The Week After
by pizzapie
Summary: A sequel to The Night After. Mostly a Lindsay story, but hints of DL
1. Chapter 1

This is a sequel to The Night After. It is currently all written, so I will update once or twice a day. Reviews may speed up the process!

Disclaimers: Own nothing. Asterisked line taken from Jamalot.

Danny woke up, confused. _Where am I_, he wondered. _Why is Lindsay in my arms? Oh, yeah_, remembering what happened the night before. _He looked at his watch. 10:47 in the morning. Uh oh, we're already two hours late for work_. Looking down at Lindsay, I hate to wake her up, she looks so peaceful. But I have to, Mac's already going to have our butts for being late.

"Montana, wake up,"he said,nudging her. She didn't respond. He shook her a little less gently and said louder, "Montana, come on we've gotta get to work."

"Where am I?" she said groggily. "What happened?"

"We're on the floor of your apartment. You looked like you were having a panic attack over the bombing, Linds. I was worried about you."

"Oh, you could go on home," she said looking downward.

"Actually, we've both got to get to work. It's almost eleven, we're nearly two hours late."

"Shit, Mac's going to kill us," she replied, getting up. "Go on home, so you can change."

"No, I'll just change at the lab, I've got a spare pair of clothes. I'll wait for you." Lindsay disappeared into her bedroom, and emerged twenty minutes later, showered and dressed.

"Wow, my sister couldn't do that in an hour."

"Remember, I work in a lab," she retorted, grabbing her keys. "Let's go."

Danny followed her out of her apartment as Lindsay locked it. They walked down to Danny's car, and they headed off to the lab.

----

At the lab, Stella walked into Mac's office. "Have you seen either Danny or Lindsay this morning?"

"Actually, no. I take you haven't either?"

She nodded. "I'm kind of worried, especially about Lindsay. After that call from Danny last night… I want to talk with her, make sure she's ok."

"I'll call Danny."  
Ring. "Damn, it's Mac." Opening the phone, "Messer."

"Danny, where the hell are you? Do you know you're almost three hours late? Do you know where Lindsay is?"

"Lindsay's with me, we're on our way in. Yes, I know we're late. Mac, I'm driving right now, and traffic's hectic. Can we talk when we get to the lab?"

"All right. Tell Lindsay that Stella wants to talk to her when she gets here."

"Ok. Bye Mac."

"See you."

"Where are they?"

"They're on the way in. Danny said traffic was bad, I guess he didn't feel like he could talk and drive. I don't know what's up. I'm not terribly happy with Danny right now."

"And not Lindsay? They're both late. And Danny was there for Lindsay last night, whatever happened."

"It's just Danny's past.."

"Come on Mac, Danny's been trying really hard lately. He really cares about what you think of him. Just listen to him before do anything. You're the one who's always saying not to jump to conclusions."

Mac smiled sheepishly. "True. So do you want to talk to Lindsay first.."

Stella interrupted, "Sure. I'll send her to you after I'm done."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimers: I own nothing

-----

Lindsay and Danny were almost to the lab. "What did Mac want?"

"He wanted to know where we were, and if I knew we were two hours late. I have a feeling I'm in a bit of trouble."

"I'm sorry. Yet another person whose in trouble because of me." Lindsay said the last part more to herself.

"I don't want to hear anything else like that, Montana. I'm happy to do it, I'd do it again. By the way, Stella wants to talk to you when we get there."

"Why? I thought Mac would be the one to yell at me for being late."

"That's probably true, but I think Stella's worried about you. Um, I called her last night asking for advice when you panicked."

"What?" she said furiously. "Why did you"

Interrupting, "Lindsay, you were panicking, and I couldn't calm you down. You were shaking uncontrollably, and sobbing. I was worried about you. I wanted to see if she had anything else to try."

"Fine," sarcastically. "Well look, we're here." They get out and head up to the lab.

----

Danny went straight to the locker room to shower and change. He then headed to Mac's office. He knocked, "Mac, can we talk now?"

"Come in."

Stepping in, "Mac, I know you're not happy with me for being late. And I'm not trying to make an excuse for what happened, but can I at least tell you what happened? No interruptions?"

"Ok, tell me."

"Last night, after we left the hospital, I took Lindsay home. She invited me in, and we started talking about the bombing. She began blaming herself for what happened with Flack, and also saying that she could have died. I kept trying to tell her that you can't keep asking the what ifs." Danny sounded somewhat desperate. "She said that she wasn't going to be able to sleep that night, so I went to make some warm milk. When I came back, I was afraid she was having a panic attack, sobbing and shaking uncontrollable. I moved her to the ground and held on to her. Mac, I was afraid she was going to hurt herself." He paused to look away. "She wouldn't calm down, even though I kept telling her it wasn't her fault. So I called Stella." He shook his head.

"I know, Stella was at the hospital with me when you called."

"So you know that she told me to just keep it up. Lindsay eventually relaxed, and when I looked down, I saw she was asleep." Danny knew he couldn't tell Mac what he said to her, but simply said, "I was exhausted and just fell asleep. This morning, since there was no alarm, I just overslept. Look, I'm sorry I'm late, but if I had to do this over, I would."

"Well, I'm going to talk to Lindsay later. But as for your lateness, I understand why, and I know this isn't normal for you. So I'll let you off with a warning. But, Danny, if this happens again, call as soon as you wake up."

"Ok, thanks. I'll get back to my case now."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Lindsay wanted to avoid Stella. However, she knew that if she did, Stella would just come find her, so she went to Stella's office. The door was open in, so she just walked in. "Stella?"

"Hey, Lindsay," Stella walked around the desk so she could sit aside Lindsay. As Stella sat down, so did Lindsay. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," Lindsay replied, with her head down and her hands fidgeting.

"All right, Lindsay," Stella answered, with the tone of a mother who knows that there child is not telling the truth. "I'm a CSI, and I'm not stupid. The fact that you're fidgeting and can't look at me tells me that you're not telling me the truth. So look at me in the eye and tell me what's really going on."

Lindsay looked up. "Um.." A tear began to roll down her cheek. Stella reached over and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I can't help but wonder what if I hadn't left that dust lifter in the truck. I might have been in that building. Maybe if I had been there, we could have gotten everyone out faster and Flack wouldn't have been there. Or maybe we still would and I would have gotten hurt." Stella tried to get a word in, but Lindsay just went on. "I should have sent Flack to get the dust lifter. Maybe I should have gone in there, maybe we would have found them faster and he'd be better."

Stella was shaking her head. It seemed that Lindsay was even less rational than what Danny had described that night before, and her body was stiffening. "Lindsay, listen to me," a stern note creeping into her voice. "You couldn't have known there was a bomb in there. You know shit happens, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"But."

"Getting hurt is a risk we take everyday, you know that. Hell, you took a risk coming to work this morning, you could have been in an accident. I can't believe you're talking that you should have gone in there, you KNOW better than that." Tears were falling down Lindsay's cheeks. "So we might have wound up with two team members injured instead of just one." Stella's was getting a little louder. It got a little softer as she said, "Flack wouldn't want you to be doing this to yourself right now."

"That's what Danny said."

"Hmm, he did. Well, don't you think that might mean it's true? Flack and Danny are great friends. I'd say Danny knows him about as well as anyone. You know sometimes, you just have to count your blessings." Stella wasn't sure if Lindsay was religious, but remembered what the nuns at the orphanage would tell them at times. She thought maybe it would get through to her. "Right now, I feel grateful that I don't have two team members injured. I'm grateful that I don't have a dead team member."

"But Flack could still die."

"Well, we'll cross that if it comes. I'm grateful that Danny was with you last night. I'm grateful that we caught the bomber, which you helped us do. Because of your help, he's not able to possibly hurt me more people." Lindsay's response shocked Stella, she stiffened even more. "Come on, hon, relax." Stella just held her like that for a while.

Stella finally felt Lindsay's body relax. She looked down and saw her trying to wipe tears away from her face. Stella reached over to grab a tissue from her desk and handed it to Lindsay, releasing her from the hug. "I'll be fine." Stella sensed that there was more, but wasn't sure exactly what. However, she felt that she wouldn't get anymore out of her, and figured it could wait until things were a little more settled.

"Linds, yesterday, when you told me you were fine, were you honestly?"

"I don't know."

"Well at least you're being honest now. You know, you need to go talk to Mac now."

"Great, nice getting yelled at for the fourth time in a month. And I'm sure I look like a fright."

"Lindsay, this pessimism isn't like you. And besides, I don't think he's going to yell at you, but remember you we're late for work."

"Ok. Thanks, I'll see you later."

"But do stop by the bathroom and wash your face before you see him."

Lindsay looked over her shoulder as she was leaving, "Was planning to."

Coming up: story from Lindsay's past


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't Lindsay. Other names are combinations of names of friends, and will not be used again.

Please read and review. Reviews might, just might, speed up the process of updating.

While washing her face, Lindsay recalled something she would much rather forget.

_Lindsay and her partner, Laura, had been called out to investigate a possible arson. Lindsay had discovered some footprints in the mud outside and was making casts while Laura went into the building to collect samples. Lindsay had been placed lead on the case; Laura was coming because she was an arson specialist. She heard a crack and looked up to see the building collapsing. "Laura," she screamed, running towards the building. She didn't hear anything, and couldn't climb over the rubble. Pulling out her radio, "Dispatch, this is Detective Monroe at 331 Upper. The house has collapsed and Detective Loader is stuck inside, I can't get in."_

"_We'll send a rescue team immediately."_

_All Lindsay could do was wait. She kept trying to call Laura, but there never was an answer. If she could of gotten in she would of gone._

_The rescue team arrived and began to make its way through the rubble. They had to resort to moving pieces of the building away. Lindsay snapped back into CSI mode to take pictures and mark the evidence. She knew that if she didn't, her boss would not be happy. They finally found Laura, who wasn't breathing. They pulled her out and the EMT felt for a pulse. There wasn't one. He tried using a defibrillator, but they couldn't revive her. He pronounced her dead, and Lindsay had to witness her being placed into a body bag. Even worse, she had to attend the autopsy._

_According to the ME, Laura had been killed instantly by the collapse. But Lindsay always blamed herself for not being there. She thought that maybe she could have gotten her out of there before it collapsed. And while no one on the team blamed her, Laura's parents did. "You should have been in there," said Laura's mother. Laura's father snarled, "She wouldn't have been in there if you hadn't made her go in." And Lindsay couldn't entirely deny that second accusation. She had sent Laura in, she was the lead on the case. _

Lindsay nearly started crying again.

Coming up: Angry Lindsay


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sorry about not updating, but I got a little busy.

Lindsay spent ten minutes washing her face. "Well, best that's going to happen. Let's go get this over with." She headed down to Mac's office. Mac was staring out the window. Knocking on the door, "Mac, Stella said you wanted to talk to me."

Mac had been thinking had been thinking about Lindsay, while Lindsay was washing her face, Stella had called him, and told him what she'd gotten out of her. He was afraid that she was having some post traumatic stress, but was afraid that if he completely took her off duty, she'd get worse. He wasn't sure exactly what he should say. He knew that Lindsay probably wouldn't feel comfortable opening up to him. "Come in," turning around to face Lindsay. He immediately could tell she had been crying.

"I'm sorry that I was late." Lindsay was afraid that Mac would give her demerits, especially since she'd been there less than a year.

"About that. I know that it's normally not like you to be late. And I know what happened last night. So, this time, I'm going to let you off with a warning. But what we really need to talk about is what happened last night."

"Mac, I'm fine," Lindsay yelled at him, exasperatedly.

A bit of a stern note crept into Mac's voice. "Lindsay, the tone you're using right now tells me that something's not right. Honestly, I'm not sure what to tell you right now. I want you to go see the department psychiatrist."

Lindsay interrupted, "What?"

Ignoring her outburst, Mac continued, "Sheila's really good, She's helped several of our cops through events like this."

"I'm not going," Lindsay said, defiantly.

Mac was surprised. Lindsay had never acted like this before. "Lindsay, it's not a request, it's an order."

"Not going," Lindsay replied, a bit quieter, with her head down, shaking.

"Lindsay, look at me. You are going, and if you don't within the next two weeks, I'll cite you for insubordination. You're also not going into the field until you do. Now get to work. You've already wasted enough time today. You're doing this stack of paper work."

"Fine, I'll get to work, sir," Lindsay yelled, her voice laced with sarcasm. She snatched the stack of paperwork, and stormed out of Mac's office, slamming the door on the way out, so hard that she nearly knocked it off its hinges.

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	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Please read and review.

Lindsay furiously worked on the paperwork all afternoon. Lindsay absolutely hated paperwork, and the conversation she'd had with Mac wasn't helping matters. At 3, after over two hours of the torture, Danny knocked on her office door. "Hey Lindsay, stuck doing paperwork?"

"Yeah, if I didn't know better, I'd think Mac has it out for me, first ordering me to the shrink, then ordering me to do paperwork. I can't believe that he's not letting me go into the field until I do, I don't wanna go. I almost feel like wringing his neck, and now I don't have chickens to do it on," she answered scathingly.

"Whoa, Lindsay, this isn't like you," Danny gently reprimanded her. He stepped into her office and walked over next to her. "I've never seen you be so sarcastic, that's not you. You know, you're acting pretty childish." Lindsay blushed and bit her lip. He continued, "I saw you slam the door earlier. I was in the lab across the hall, and I could hear you yelling at him. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"I don't."

"So there is something. Why don't you want to see the psychiatrist?"

"I just don't want to," she said, looking down. "I just hate talking about my so-called problems with other people. Don't you realize that Flack is in worse trouble than I am?"

"Whoa, Lindsay, I know he's in bad shape. And I know you're worried about him, hell, we all are. But it's no excuse for acting the way you have been. Think about it. Do you really think you're going to change Mac's mind about sending you to the psychiatrist by acting this way?" Lindsay's entire face became red. "Mac's much more likely to relieve you of duty for awhile. And I know that you're angry about him making you go, but he does have your best interests at heart. He only wants to help you get through this." Danny turned to leave.

_Ouch_, Lindsay thought. "I'm sorry," she called out to Danny.

Danny looked over his shoulder. "I'm not the only one you need to be apologizing to."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing  
Chapter 7  
Lindsay couldn't get Danny's words out of her mind. While doing paperwork, she sat there and thought about it for the better part of an hour. _This is Danny, who apparently before I came, was king of immaturity. Now he's scolding me for being immature. The worst part, he's right. I shouldn't be acting like this. And Mac probably wishes he had never hired me in the first place. I know I need to apologize to him, but I'm too embarrassed. Well, I'd better make this appointment, hopefully that will get everyone off my case. Even if I don't go, and I really don't want to go. Couldn't Mac just leave me alone? I don't want to have to face my ghosts._

Lindsay picked up the directory to look up the psychiatrist's phone number. She couldn't find it, even after searching through the directory twice. _Oh, shit. I guess I'll have to go ask Mac for the number._ Lindsay left her office to head down to Mac's.

Fortunately, Mac was in his office. Lindsay knocked. "Mac, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, do you need anything?" Mac really didn't have the time, but if Lindsay wanted to talk, he'd make it.

Lindsay looked down. "I couldn't find the number for the department psychiatrist."

Mac gently smiled. "She's not listed in the directory. I went ahead and made you an appointment. It's for tomorrow at one. The office is down at the precinct."

Lindsay opened her mouth to apologize to Mac, but what actually came out was a shock. "What if I don't go?" she said, quietly. _Oh, crap, I can't believe I just said that._

Mac was struck speechless. He never imagined that Lindsay would ever behave like this, and now she'd done it twice in the same day. _Even Danny would never had said something like that to me._ He simply stared at Lindsay for a minute.

At the same time, Lindsay's mind was racing. _Damn, I'm in trouble. He's already threatened citing me, and I just mouthed off to him. But why can't he just leave me alone? I'll be fine. That look is exactly the look my dad had when I was in trouble._ She couldn't look at Mac anymore and looked to the side.

Mac finally spoke. "Lindsay, I'm not exactly sure what to say to you. I've already told you that if you don't go to the psychiatrist, I will cite you for insubordination, which would mean at least a two day suspension. It's very likely that the department is going to order you to the psych even if I don't, anyway, so you might as well get it over with. I should cite you for your, quite frankly, smart mouth. It's a childish expression, but you're acting like one. I know something's up; you wouldn't be speaking to me like this if there wasn't. I think you need to take tomorrow off. I'll do the paperwork for you to have a sick day. Go do your evaluation, and after it's over you'll be on emergency call. Go on home, you can finish the paperwork I gave you Wednesday." He had started off softly, but was almost yelling at the end.

Lindsay knew she couldn't object any more. "All right. " She turned to leave.

He softened his tone. "See you Wednesday, Lindsay. And Lindsay, I want you to look at me when I say this." He paused. "Please take the evaluation seriously. If I don't think you did, I'll keep you in the lab."

After Lindsay left, Mac was preoccupied with the problem he was having with her. He had spent more time that afternoon than he wanted to admit thinking about his newest CSI. She had seemed to hold up so well during the investigation, but now he wasn't sure exactly what was going on. He was pretty sure even before that last conversation that something was seriously wrong, but now he was utterly convinced something was. He felt so helpless, she wasn't opening up to anyone. He felt guilty for threatening her like he had, but he couldn't think of any other way to get through to her. _Well hopefully the psychiatrist can get something from her. I guess I should get my briefing for her done. Maybe I should ask Danny or Stella to try to get something from Lindsay._

A/N: I had every intention for this chapter to go in a completely different direction, but my muse apparently had other intentions for this, so the emotion is not exactly toning down yet, but will soon. I had wanted Mac to be much more sympathetic, Lindsay to be far more mature (I had intended for her to apologize, but it almost seemed like I couldn't control it.) Her behavior might be a little OOC, but there will be an explanation for it later.

Coming up: Lindsay visits the psychiatrist


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This a LONG chapter, but there was no where to break it.

Chapter 8  
"Lindsay Monroe, Crime Scene," started Sheila, the NYPD psychiatrist. "Recently involved in the investigation of the Lessing bombings. Where do you want to start?" She had already received Mac Taylor's briefing, but wanted to hear Lindsay's side.

"I was ordered to come by my boss. I really don't want to be here."

"Well, sorry to hear that. But since you have to be here, why don't you tell me what happened?"

Lindsay recounted what happened at that crime scene on that Sunday. She trailed off, "It's my fault Flack's hurt."

"How?"

"I had to go back to pick up some equipment. I left them in there alone. I wasn't prepared and they got hurt. Flack could die because of me. I left them in there, knowing they we're probably hurt."

"So you could have been hurt, too. What if you weren't there? What if you hadn't left to get the equipment and been in there? Let's say that Flack still got injured but you didn't. Would it still have been your fault?"

"I don't know, I might could have still helped him."

"Do you think that everything happens for a reason?"

"No."

Sheila, not sure if she was getting anywhere with Lindsay, tried a different tactic. "Hmm. Your file says that you were a CSI in Montana. Did you ever investigate anything like this there?"

"No bombings while I was there. A few collapsed buildings, I only investigated one though."

"Why don't you tell me about that investigation?"

Taking a deep breath, Lindsay told Sheila about the arsoned building she was investigating with Laura. After talking about the autopsy, she took another deep breath and said, "If I hadn't sent her in there… Her parents always blamed me for her death. It was one of the reasons I left Montana."

"How close were you to Laura?"

"She was my best friend on the team."

Sheila was beginning to see a pattern. "Has anyone else close to you been hurt or killed like that?"

"A couple of the police officer's were, but I wasn't near when it happened… and my best friend in middle school."

_Lindsay was twelve years old. She was in science class, which had always been her favorite. The class was taking a test, and Lindsay wasn't entirely prepared. So, for the only time in her life, she considered cheating. She looked up in order to look over at her friend's paper, and what she saw startled her._

The boy in front of her friend had pulled out a gun, and had it pointed at Bethany, her best friend. Lindsay screamed and reached over to push her friend out of the way. But she was too late. Bethany was shot in the chest and killed instantly. Lindsay was in tears.

Sheila was now positive of the pattern. "Do you think your friend's death was your fault?"

"Yeah. I mean if I had pushed her away faster she wouldn't have died."

"What if you had pushed her away? The bullet would of still been fired. Someone else might have been killed. Would that have been your fault?"

"Well.."

"Let's look at it this way. What if Bethany had been shot and you hadn't been there? Would it have still been your fault?"

"Of course not. I wasn't the one who shot her."

"So how come it was your fault when you were there? Did anyone blame you for her death?"

"No one blamed me, just I did."

"Why did you blame yourself?"

"But I couldn't help her." Lindsay blew her nose, but continued crying.

"Being a cop, you know that you can't help everyone. Stuff happens." Sheila decided to try a new tactic. "What happened after he shot Bethany?"

Lindsay said, remembering, "He was about to shoot someone else, but the teacher had heard my scream and was able to get the gun out of his hand."

"So didn't you actually help, by preventing others from being hurt?"

"Well, I guess, but her death is just what comes to mind."

"That's understandable, but if you let yourself focus on only the negatives you'll get burned out. You can't prevent everything, and you've just got to focus on the good. I have something I want you to do. Anytime you start thinking about the negative, think about those classmates you saved. All right? And if you can't, please make sure to talk to someone. Promise me."

"Ok, I promise," Lindsay replied, trying to control her tears.

"So, how is Laura's death or Flack's injuries your fault? How is it different?"

"Um, well I ordered Laura to go into the building, she was the arson expert."

"So she would have had to go in the building anyway?"

"Yeah, I wasn't cleared to, I didn't have the knowledge."

"So, it was Laura's job that got her killed, right? You had no choice but to send her in. How is that your fault? It's not is it?

Damn, she's right. "Umm.. I guess I can't argue with that logic," Lindsay said sheepishly. "But the logic doesn't help the emotional aspect. I still feel horrible for her death."

"Well, that's fairly normal. But if you keep blaming yourself, you'll never really get over it. And it's normal to wish it would have gone differently. But this is a job in which shit happens, and it can't always be helped. Did you catch the guy?"

"Actually, we did, even though most of the evidence was destroyed."

"So just think about that, because of you, someone couldn't hurt another person. So what about Flack? Think about, even though Flack is still injured, because of your help, no one else will get injured because of Lessing."

"I guess I can't logically blame myself, but I still am some. I think it's that I want to think that I could of done something. I guess it's also that I'm just really worried about Flack. He's still not woken up, and each day he goes, the less likely it is he will. I had a nightmare last night about it."

"Lindsay, it's normal to worry, but you can't let it wear you down. I know that your entire team is worried, but they're not acting like you have. Detective Taylor indicated in his report that you were acting like a twelve year old. I think you may have been regressing to your state of mind after Bethany was killed, but it's still no excuse."

"I know, I'm embarrassed about it, and I'll probably get in trouble over it."

"I think part of it is all of what's happened with your team lately too: Stella's assault, Danny's brother being beaten. Even in this field, it's a lot in such a short period of time. So are you okay? I don't want to hear that you're blaming yourself again. Promise?"

"Yeah, I think I'm ok. I'll think about what we've talked about."

"I guess we're done now, but if you ever need help, please don't hesitate to ask for it."

This is loosely based off a visit I had to a psychologist- I didn't particularly want to go, but my advisor had me (although, he couldn't have done anything if I hadn't). Yes, I cried during it.


	9. Chapter 9

This chapter is more filler than anything

Lindsay couldn't get the psychiatrist's words off her mind. She knew that rationally, she couldn't blame herself, but it didn't completely help. She was grateful that she at least didn't have a nightmare while sleeping. But it didn't help that she was feeling guilty about how she'd treated her colleagues.

Neither Stella nor Danny called her that night, and she was surprised. When she got to the lab on Wednesday morning, she had a note from Mac to continue on the paperwork. Lindsay sat down at her desk with a sigh. She was lucky that paperwork was such I mindless chore, because she had a difficult time concentrating. _I'll never admit to Mac, but he was right to keep me out of the field for a few days. _

At the end of her shift, Mac came to her office. "Lindsay." She looked up. "I saw where you went and did the psych eval." Lindsay looked down and nodded. Mac had decided that he wouldn't force Lindsay to talk until she was ready to. "Sheila said she felt that it went well."

Lindsay, still looking down, nodded again. _I know I need to apologize to him. But I'm embarrassed, and he might not accept._ Ultimately, she couldn't bring herself to apologize then, simply saying, "Thanks."

Mac walked in and sat on the edge of Lindsay's desk. "Sheldon just called me from the hospital. He said Flack's conscious again."

"Really?"

"Sheldon said the first thing he said after they explained what had happened was to ask if you and I were ok."

"What? He's the one who's hurt."

"I think you should go see him. Take Danny with you. Stella and I need to finish processing some evidence, then we'll be down."

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Coming up: Lindsay visits with Flack  
Only 2 more chapters


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own nothing

"Lindsay, nice to see you okay," Flacks said as Lindsay walked into his hospital room. "When they reminded me what happened, I was worried about you and Mac."

"You idiot, you're the one laying in the hospital bed. You should be worried about yourself."

"Not like I can do anything about myself, but I can hope that you two are okay. I heard that you were blaming yourself for my situation," he said to Lindsay sternly.

"But you can't do anything for us .."

"You know, it's not your fault. I don't blame you in the least."

"That's what Danny said you'd say."

"I also heard you said you should have gone into the building. Are you an idiot? Do you have a death wish?"

"No… I was just worried about you guys," she protested.

"If you had gone in, you'd likely be in my position or worse too. So the team would have to be worried about you and not just me." Don had always seen the chemistry between Danny and Lindsay and continued, "You know, if both of us were here, no one would be able to take care of Danny. What should happen wouldn't."

"What should happen?"

"You know, or you should." However, you need to quit worrying about me, and worry about yourself. You can't do anything to help me, and you certainly can't change the past."

A nurse came in at that moment. "Miss, you'll have to leave now, we need to run some tests."

Don called to Lindsay, "Quit worrying about me. You need to worry about yourself."

Coming up: last chapter, mommy Stella, and daddy Mac

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	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I own nothing  
This is a long chapter.

Chapter 11  
While Lindsay was talking with Don, Danny was pacing the hallway, worried about both of them.

Danny hurried up to Lindsay when she walked out. "Is he ok?"

"Yeah, the nurse kicked me out. He was lecturing me over worrying about him. He's the one hurt and he's lecturing me."

"Well, that's Don. He cares about others over himself. What about you? Are you okay?"

Lindsay looked down. "I think I'm okay. If I tell you something, will you not interrupt until I'm finished?"

"Sure."

Lindsay told Danny about Laura's death and how she blamed herself for it. She then told him about Bethany. All during this, Danny was becoming utterly shocked. He had never imagined that Lindsay would have gone through stuff like this. "I guess I just had flashbacks to those experiences," she finished. By this time a few tears were running down her face.

Danny reached over to wipe her tears away. "Wow. I never imagined you going through that. I understand that you might think about those. But that's why it's important for you to talk about stuff like this, so you won't get to the point you did." He saw the nurse leaving. "Montana, I'm going to go see Flack all right. I'll be out in a few minutes."

Lindsay sat down in the hall and got her tears under control right before Mac and Stella arrived.

They sat down beside her. "Did you talk to Don?" Stella asked.

"Yeah, he was lecturing me over worrying about him, when I couldn't do anything to help him. He was yelling at me over blaming myself. I barely got a word in edgewise."

"True cop," Stella replied.

"Okay, I know I have no right to ask this now, but I'm going to tell you something, and I'm asking you to promise not to interrupt."

"Sure," they replied together.

Lindsay began to tell them about Bethany. At the end of the story, she said, "I felt so helpless," and tears began to roll down her cheeks. Stella began to pull Lindsay into a hug, but Lindsay stopped her with, "Wait, there's more." Stella gasped, but contented herself with grabbing Lindsay's hand. Lindsay told them about Laura and about the blame she took for it. By the end Lindsay was sobbing, and Stella pulled her into a tight embrace.

While Lindsay cried on Stella's shoulder, Stella looked at Mac and saw no surprise in his eyes. Stella questioned him with her eyes, Mac shrugging, "It was in her psych report from yesterday." Lindsay kept crying for a few minutes, but when she stopped, loosened herself from Stella's embrace.

Lindsay looked down and tried to wipe away the tears. She was embarrassed about crying in front of Mac, she wasn't as concerned about Stella, since she couldn't fire her. Stella regrabbed her hand to give her support. She continued, looking down, "I guess I was just flashing back to those memories. I felt so helpless again."

Mac reached over and put his hand on Lindsay's shoulder. "Lindsay, I want you to look at me." Mac waited until Lindsay had looked up before continuing, "I'm sorry that you had to go through this, but as a cop, it's likely to happen again. I understand flashbacks, more than you know, and more than I hope you'll ever understand. But this is why it's important for you to talk to someone about stuff like this, and why it's important for you to listen to people. You know, if you had just opened up the other day, you might could have avoided this trouble." Lindsay looked down again, but Mac reached over and lifted her head up with his finger. He continued scolding her in his quiet voice. "And I never want to hear you talking about how unhelpful you are again," he said as a bit of sternness crept into his voice. "You know, if you hadn't been there, no one would have been able to explain what we were doing, and explain where we were. Without you, we might not have gotten the evidence processed quickly enough to catch Lessing. You've helped put many people behind bars. You might not be able to change the past, but you can affect the future for the better." Lindsay nodded. He took his finger off her chin. "And one more thing. I know that this has been hard. I know you're worried about Flack. Hell, we all are. And I know this has been a hard month. But it's no excuse to be treating someone like you have," he chided, raising his eyebrows.

Stella spoke up, "I'm not sure what happened with you and Mac, but I'm disappointed in you, for not trusting us. You told us that you were okay, but you weren't. And the behavior you've been displaying lately is not you. I know you know better."

As Lindsay looked down, she thought, _I wish they had just yelled at me, that would have been easier to take Now I feel even worse._ "I know." She looked back up at Mac. "And I know this isn't enough, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was being so defiant, and I'm sorry about the attitude. I'll deserve whatever you do to me," she continued, looking down at the end.

"Yeah, you will," he replied, lifting her head. "And you deserve more than what I'm going to do, but I'm not going to be too harsh because I know this behavior isn't like you. I'm giving you a warning for being late to work on Monday, and I'm giving you another one for the attitude and defiance you've displayed. I just can't ignore you acting like a twelve year old. I don't think this will happen again, but I can't just let you get away with it, especially after giving Danny a warning for being late."

Lindsay dropped her head. "I understand."

"But Lindsay." She looked back up. "These will be on your file, and if anything happens in the next year, and I mean anything, there will be more serious consequences. I'm trusting that nothing will, but you will have to watch out. And I will be disappointed if anything does." Lindsay nodded. He continued, "I also want you to visit Sheila at once a week for the next month."

"I understand."

"I'm going to go see Flack." Mac walked over into Don's room.

"Lindsay," spoke Stella. As Lindsay turned to face Stella, she continued, "You know this was the least you could expect as punishment, if you really were acting the way I'm guessing."

"I know. I really was, and I'm embarrassed. I'm okay, I promise. I know I don't have the right to be believed, but I really am okay."

Stella pulled Lindsay into a hug. "I believe you, but I'm really surprised and disappointed that you would act that way. I never want to see you acting like that again." Lindsay nodded against Stella's shoulder. "I'll also be sorely disappointed if you start doing it again." Stella let go, and lifted Lindsay's head to look her in the eyes. "Remember that if you ever need to talk, you can come to me. Promise?" Stella thought of Lindsay as a daughter more than she would want to admit.

"I promise."

"I want you to make sure you take care of yourself: you can't help others if you don't. I'm going to go see Flack before visiting hours are over." Stella squeezed Lindsay's shoulder before leaving.

_Well, that went better than I though it would. At least I'm not suspended. But I can't believe I got Danny into trouble._

Danny came out and walked over to Lindsay. "Hey, I figured you'd stay a bit longer with Flack," she said.

"Well, Mac and Stella kicked me out. Visiting hours are almost over anyway. Also, I wanted to check on you."

Lindsay looked at Danny in the eyes. _Oh God, they're so adorable_. She answered, "I'm think I'm okay. I promise. I'm sorry I got you into trouble with Mac."

Danny pulled her into an embrace. "Don't worry about it. I'd do it again if I had to. I was concerned with you. Don't you think that I would have stayed with you if I didn't care about you?"

"But, Danny, you don't know me."

"Well, maybe not well, Montana, but I'd like to know you better."

"No you don't, I have ghosts."

"Montana, whatever they are, they made you who you are. I wouldn't do without it." He let go of Lindsay. "How about we go out for dinner? My treat. We can get to know each other better."

"Okay, I guess it'll be a good idea, as long as we can get some real food. Get my mind off things."

"What's that?"

"Noncafeteria food."

"Well, we'll go to this Italian restaurant I know."

"Hmm. Sounds good. Need a ride?"

"Sure. Should we tell Mac that we're leaving?"

"No, he told us to get out of here. He also said to tell you that you're still stuck with all that paperwork, to consider it part of your punishment as well," he said, smiling at her. Danny grabbed Lindsay's hand and they walked out of the hospital together.

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